"I WANTED SOMEONE WHO GOD WAS GOING TO BE THEIR WHOLE WORLD. NOT ME."
Before meeting Matt, something that I thought a lot about was this - when I meet my future husband for the first time, in what state do I want to be found? In what condition do I want my heart and my relationship with Christ to be?
Matt and I were taking an afternoon walk around our neighborhood and talking about relationships when He said this to me…
“Ahni, I wanted someone who God was going to be
their whole world. Not me.”
What he said made me think about the years before I met Matt - the years when I made God my whole world. There were many nights I played my piano in my living room and sang until my voice would break as I remembered God’s goodness and faithfulness over my life. There were many moments I asked the Lord to search me, break me, and send me. There was one moment in my late 20’s that I will never forget…I was on my knees worshiping in a room with thousands of young people, but His presence was personal. He met me. In my early 30’s there was one experience that left me hurting and doubting God’s purpose over my life. I sat in the dark, crying and asking God why He allowed something to be taken away…but it was in those moments that I experienced God as a Father - a dad who will sometimes say “no” and close doors to protect you from something you cannot or may never see.
I have gained so much while I was alone, without a partner. Being alone is the right setting for being filled with His presence like never before. Moments and experiences that will develop you and strengthen you so that one day you can hold Jesus’ hand and walk on water. I can see the fruit of those special moments in my life today, and I am still in awe of what God has done in my life with Matt this past year - It was fast, it was easy, and it was peaceful. He prepared a table for me. He was doing that all along.
If you are single, may I encourage you to go after Jesus. Some of you may feel like you have already done enough. You know all the scriptures and read all the single books. I get it. I’ve been there. But friend, go after Jesus more. You can have as much of God as you want. He has no end! And girlfriend, the right man will see that the Holy Spirit in you is the most attractive thing about you.
May I encourage you with some questions to reflect on…
In what state do I want to be found?
Are my prayer and devotional habits in a healthy condition right now?
What is keeping me from making Christ my number one priority?
Love always,
Ahni
